Loves Melissa Joan Hart

String Backpacks

Saw a grown-ass man wearing one of these yesterday. They're not acceptable on any human.

HOWEVER, could be a dealmaker if it was only big enough for - and in the shape of - credit cards or a cell phone, but only if it is worn on the back.

Thinking Five Finger Shoes Work For Anytime.

These are the new "thing" in running, I get that. But they are NOT for dates, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, or any kind of party where you must socialize with people. They should not replace actual shoes or become commonplace in your going-out attire. Stop texting me because we're through.

Dealmaker of the Day

Brings his own whale floatie to the pool.
Anna had to gasp for air when she saw two dudes
freeing their Willy at Barton Springs last night.

Thinks Sports Jerseys Count As Actual Clothing.

Jerseys are for game days only. Don't wear them on dates, bros. It's not doing anything for your figure. Oh, and I HATE IT.

Dealbreaker of 1900: He Doesn't Want Me to Vote.

Cartilage Piercings

I think I'm gonna vom.

Hates Tim & Eric

"It's not funny."
You know what's not funny? Prison Break. I know how much you like that. Get outta my house!

Only Reads/Wants To Talk About Nietzsche.

I love to read and I'm a smart person, got it? But I don't want to only talk about Nietzche all the time. I happen to enjoy other forms of literature, including a little piece of journalism I like to call In Touch Weekly. Ever heard of it? Don't call me back.

Claims He Never Gets on Facebook.

Do you think you're better than me? Big deal that I look at Facebook before I even go to the bathroom in the mornings and I can't bear to close it down at night.

If you have a profile, you're looking at it 25/7 and don't pretend you aren't. So lame. We're through.

A Facebook Photo Album Called "Me."

This is so beyond irritating. You meet a bro, you can't wait to get home and Facebook him, you pull up his pictures, and he has this photo album. No second date is happening here. It's over.


picture source

Daughtry Ringtone

Lesley's ears, face and heart will explode if she hears this.

Records/Loves Family Guy

Christie is full of good ideas (like this one). Family Guy is not.

Puka Shell Necklaces

not cool brah.

photo courtesy brospotting.blogspot.com

Thumb Rings.

Especially ones with a veiled ocean motif. Waves, dolphins, etc. are highly unacceptable. But so is simply wearing the ring itself.

Thanks to Ann and Griff who would also break up with this dude.

Dealbreaker Diva of the Day: Lizzy Caplan

"I think if a girl who liked 'Party Down' found out that her boyfriend liked 'Two and a Half Men,' she would break up with him."- Lizzy Caplan, genius actress, 2k10.

Big ups to Lesley for finding this quote.

Only Has Eyes for Madden 2KNameAYear.

I'm not going to deny anyone the right to play video games to relax because I love to indulge in a little Wii Bowling from time to time. But all the time is not acceptable and will result in termination of our relationship.

Has To Be That Dude At Every Outdoor Party.

If you're good at guitar, then by all means pull one out. But if you can barely sing, don't know any real chords, and refuse to acknowledge there are people trying to converse around you, put the instrument away. I don't want to hear that Blind Melon song again.

Feet Tattoos.

It's not religion-based and don't even try to sell me on it. See you when I see you.

Only Eats Frozen Pizza.

At least make a PB&J sometimes. If it's been a month of Sundays since a bro has eaten anything else (Totino's Pizza Rolls don't count) then we have to end it.

Only Listens To Phish.

Sorry, I'm not traveling around the country with you to outdoor festivals to watch them jam. We are breaking up.

Never Having Milk.

Milk is a pretty basic staple of any refrigerator. Also, milk is a great and healthy drink. Most bros love cereal, so it's all a win-win. But when I'm over, and I don't see milk in your possession, I start questioning your understanding of basic needs. If you can't meet YOUR basic needs, how can you meet MINE? It's over.

Overly-Stylized Graphic Tees

Duh.

This Hair.

Nuff said, ladies.

Halitosis.

It might be a condition and I can understand that. But fix it.

credit: Yael Reisman, big ups.

Body Waxing. Emphasis on Leg.

I can't feel womanly if you have less hair than me. Fact.

Facial Tattoos.

If I can spot you a mile away BECAUSE OF YOUR FACE TAT, it's over between us.

Extremely Ugly Men's Dress Shoes.

If I wanted to date an elf, I would date an elf. GET IT TOGETHER.

Spray Tans.

Just don't.

JNCOS.

Why are you trying to create more volume? What are you trying to hide? Not cute.

Soul Patch.

Also known as the jazz patch. Not cute. Shave it.

Satin Sheets.

They don't make your bed look nicer, and they don't make me want to stay over. In fact, I want to run.

credit for this idea: Ann Friedman, big ups

Mandals

Of course the sock/mandal combo is in a class unto its own.

Velour.

Toenail Clipping

Is it worse if your sig other doesn't clip their toenails at all or clips them in front of you?
What if they clip 'em while you're watching the telly?
What if they leave you a little surprise in or around the sink?

Transition Lenses